How to Make Your Wife Obey (Biblically, Of Course)

Somehow, I got sucked into the black vortex that is Christian Domestic Discipline. Given my proclivity for wickedness, naturally I was intrigued and instead of blogging or doing literally anything productive, I spent all night reading about this which…

Anyway, the rabbit hole led me to this dude, whom gave a decent answer to this question which is why I decided to highlight despite not being anyone relevant.

However, it got me thinking generally – why are Christian men marrying women whom they disagree with on just about everything that this is even an issue?

Christians generally put an inordinate amount of emphasis on the verse “wives submit to your husbands” whilst arguably the more important commandment, that husbands lay down their lives for their wives, is viewed as an after thought or even optional despite the fact it’s the other way around (given Biblically men are leaders and thus should be leading in terms of Christ-like behavior).

We have one Lord, Jesus Christ, whom we are to obey unquestioningly. Husbands are little more than leaders, or heads of their homes. A true leader leads by example, thus a husband should be exemplifying the fruits of the spirit (kindness, patience, gentleness, self-control, etc.) more than his family because that’s how the Bible commands Christians generally live. Furthermore, both Christian men and women should be submitted to God, so while there may be some arguments and differences that occur within a marriage as we’re all trash human, ultimately if both spouses are submitted to God, they have the same mission, to serve God, serve one another in love, and spread the gospel, and thus shouldn’t be clashing greatly over any issues.

However, the men posing this question are probably not talking about things like, “I want to pray every morning with my wife, but she’s always on her phone – how do I tell her she needs to spend more time with God?, or “I feel like God is calling me to take this job searching for the disease-riddled carcasses of polar bears in Antarctica, but my wife doesn’t want to live on a boat or near penguins for the next 20 years with out 4 kids.” There’s an insidious insinuation here because anyone asking this question is most likely referring to things the wife is not comfortable doing probably for valid reasons, which calls into question their own intentions in asking. A husband is the leader because he is to lead his wife and family closer to Christ, not force them to obey his carnal whims.

That stupid umbrella picture…

Is generally a poor metaphor and seems to ignore the fact that a.) allegiance to Christ and God’s word comes before obedience to a husband b.) men are also to take care of children also c.) there’s nothing that forbids women from providing for the family either. In fact, the Proverbs 31 woman is praised for being financially independent and using her skills and knowledge to benefit her family.

Furthermore, scripture goes out of the way to point out that bodily neither the husband nor wife belong to themselves, but to each other, “the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife.”

It’s interesting so many feminine, Christian influencers hyper focus on submission, and not the fact men are called to lay down their lives for their wives, putting aside their desires and needs. The issue of submission wouldn’t be the cesspool it currently is in the Church if Christian husbands focused more on leading by loving their wives as Christ loved his church and displaying the behavior they want their families to emulate. Never did Christ say, “how do I get Christians to obey me?” so why do men think they can even ask this in all seriousness, being far lesser than God? Rather, Jesus demonstrated His love and people were naturally drawn to follow Him because what they saw was a humble, compassionate, servant dedicated to the works of God.

Anyway, my homie 5th Kingdom gave the proper, Biblical answer which is there’s nothing a husband can do to make his wife obey except to, ya know, obey scripture themselves and love them as Christ loved the church, being willing to die for them and loving them as their own bodies.

Anyway – it’s sort of funny he randomly brings up 1st Peter where it says Sarah obeyed her husband Abraham, which is ironic because Sarah may have called Abraham Lord, but God told Abraham “[w]hatever Sarah says to you, do as she tells you, for through Isaac shall your offspring be named.” There are also other woman, like the Shunammite woman or Abigail, who did what God wanted them to do without consulting their husbands first. Clearly, Biblical submission isn’t blind, unquestioning obedience, nor does it strip women of their voice or authority.

Rather than focusing on non-issues like this, Christian men ought to ask themselves why they can hardly stand the site of literal children’s knees and shoulders at summer camp? Why did the church have a #metoo movement so prevalent it created a #churchtoo? Why is it I can Google “pastor” and “children” and no doubt, I’ll get a couple of news articles about yet another male pastor arrested for sexually assaulting a child? We are called to be holy, as God is holy. Not to be like the rest of the world.

Christians ought to be sober-minded and alert, and to most importantly read your Bible daily. We are all called to emulate Christ, who was patient, gentle, exhibited self-control, and was compassionate towards the weak. A Christ who invited women to sit at his feet and not worry about house work. A Christ who did not expect anything in return when he sacrificed Himself, laying down his life even for those who didn’t love Him.

Being able to maintain your character and adhere to Biblical values even when others around you are not, be they men or women, is the mark of a true leader and the pinnacle of Biblical masculinity.

Dating Is Practice For Divorce?

Christian Tik Tok is a bit like playing Russian Roulette. I could shoot myself, or I could live but I’d still be dumb for playing in the first place.

Anyway, Pastor Mike Todd thinks dating is practice for divorce which is Christian wokeness: trying to be so not “like other girls the world”, you end up saying tomfoolery.

Right out the gate, he starts with a logical fallacy. The word “abortion” is not in the Bible. The words “gun-toting, America is the best country on Earth, conservative, KJV only Christian” are not in the Bible. The words “relationship goals” of which he has an entire sermon series about, also not in the Bible. So if we’re gonna be literal here, there are a lot of things Christians preach about that aren’t literally in the Bible.

The Bible in fact says almost nothing about dating at all. Back in Biblical times, a woman’s father would pick a good suitor for her to marry. The OT says if a man meets a virgin not betrothed and sleeps with her (in the city, so the connotation is this was consensual), he gotta do right and marry her, and can’t divorce her (Deut. 22). The New Testament basically says don’t marry but if you do be willing to literally die for your wives and submit to your husbands spiritual leadership.

Dating is only practice for divorce if being single is inherently bad but Biblically marriage is a worldly matter, and aren’t we called to not be like the world? 1 Corinthians 7: 32-34 says, “[t]he unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.

Jesus, whom we as Christians are called to imitate, never married and was perfect; no mention of marriage is made of the 12 disciples, Paul, or even women close to Jesus like Mary Magdalene and Martha. So if we are to literally take the Bible for what it says, singleness is what God prefers. Furthermore, there’s neither male nor female in Christ; we won’t be married in Heaven either, rather we’re all the bride of Christ. The church has adopted an attitude about marriage that seems to be at odds with the Bible entirely, so much so that those who aren’t married by a certain age feel left out even though these are precisely the folks God used in the early days to spread the gospel.

The church also seems to have lost the initial reason why God didn’t like divorce, which was to protect women from being ditched once they aged. Marriage is a reflection of God’s relationship with us, therefore it should actually be that and not some miserable, Transformed Wife Handmaids Tale affair because that’s literally not what our relationship with God is suppose to be like.

Malachi 2:16 extrapolates why God hates divorce by saying, “[f]or the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence.” (ESV). Jesus permitted divorce under certain circumstances. Not saying God wants us to divorce, but what He hates are men who are cruel to their wives and unfaithful, resulting in divorce. This also illuminates why Jesus warned against divorce but didn’t forbid it, because it was a sin against the wife, and why Proverbs entreats men to “rejoice” in the wives of their youth (i.e. don’t go out and cheat). That context seems to have been intentionally lost too, particularly among fundamentalists who act like being divorced is the worst of sins.

Lastly, divorce rates are not the highest they’ve ever been. A simple Google search will reveal divorce rates are declining (albeit the reasons why aren’t necessarily good…) That said, an attitude like Todd’s will no doubt cause them to increase.

Proverbs 19:2 says, “[d]esire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” Biblically if you’re desiring marriage there’s a basis to get to know someone first and not marry hastily, or to date. Dating is simply getting to know someone; if you choose to have sex and go all out prior to marriage, that doesn’t mean dating is flawed, it means you lack self-control.

I can’t speak for anything else this dude preaches as I don’t listen to him regularly and his sermons mostly seem fine, but this is assuredly Biblical wokeness. Christianese that sounds good but when you pause to think about it, is actually quite silly. The decision to date, or not, is a personal one and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to get to know someone on a deeper, more intimate level before committing for life. That’s not practicing divorce, that’s being wise. Yeah, some people call it “intentional” dating or whatever but if I put cat ears on a dog, it’s still a dog.

Most Christians desire to get married, which is great. He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, amirite? But particularly as women, we ought to be careful before tying the knot with a man to ensure we know him well, he aligns with our morals, respects our boundaries, shares our hobbies, and has similar goals. Plenty of men can talk a good Christian talk, which is why it’s important to take the time to really see who they are. Same goes for my Christian bros – plenty of ladies can play the game, so make sure you’re with someone you’re compatible with and who treats you with respect before putting a ring on it.

If the goal is marriage, one shouldn’t waste time with someone they don’t plan to lock down. But if you get to know someone and all you see are dolla signs red flags, it’s not “giving up when things get hard” to cut things off but being prudent. Even scripture tells us it’s best to stay away from certain people (Proverbs 13:20, Matthew 15:14 Romans 16:17, 1 Timothy 3:1-5). And honestly, often we realize after dating for a bit we’re not as compatible as initially thought.

Let’s not be the sort of folks whom, in an attempt to not sound like the world, end up saying things that are just inane. Instead, read your Bible and stop relying on others to teach you what you can learn yourself. Date if you want to. Or not. Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.