Biblical Clownery: Jesus Doesn’t Love You

Generally, I like Hannah Janel Williamson as she’s one of the few young, Christian women with a public platform who aren’t teaching that women need to stay home and have kids, and eternally talking about her season of singleness a la Bethany of Girl Defined, nor is she grifting and scamming people out of money like Brittany Dawn. That bar is admittedly fairly low. Nevertheless, she shows how one can be fruitful and multiply by evangelizing, and that yes women can indeed be preachers and teachers, and don’t have to sit around waiting for marriage or whatever, but can have a rich life of ministry, career, and relationships prior to or even in lieu of that. She reminds me a bit of Anna from Luke 2:36-38, a prophet who devoted herself to fasting and praying at temple.

That said, Hannah posted something quite inane.

What even is the point of this lol. Does this help discipline Christians, or lead the lost to Christ? No.

Jesus loves you basically is the entire gospel. John 3:16, For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” (ESV) Of course, believing Jesus is your Savior and Lord is also part of the gospel. But the core is that God loved us so much what mattered most was Him providing us a way to be with Him in eternity through Jesus Christ. If we do nothing else our entire lives but believe in Jesus Christ, we will be saved. Really, not that complicated.

Furthermore, it’s the love of Christ that compels us to share the gospel, not fear of hell fire and brimstone. Once we become saved, are we obligated to live a certain way? Yes. Slothicus 4:20 says, “And Jesus said “if you fear me, you will obey my commands”.”

Wrong. John 14:15 says, “Jesus replied, “All who love me will do what I say. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with each of them”.” Once we’re saved, there is an obligation to begin bearing good fruit but the gospel itself is basically that Jesus loves us, died for us, and wants a relationship with us. Fairly straightforward.

Hannah Williamson seems to be falling prey to this weird anti-love, anti-self-care attitude conservatives have been adopting in an attempt to not be like other girls the world/progressive Christians. The end result is saying things that are just stupid and do absolutely nothing to advance the kingdom of God, or benefit anybody regardless of what they believe in. Worst still, these things are often not even scriptural.

James 3:1 says, “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.” (ESV) Those whom build platforms as Christian teachers need to be careful to not just spew Christianese that sounds cool for the sake of gaining spiritual wanking points from conservatives. Rather, we should do all for the glory of God, in a manner of excellence, making sure all that we preach is backed by scripture and not just some poorly thought out “hot take”.

Hannah should probably take another look at her own Instagram bio…

And actually Bring People Back to Biblical Truth.

Should Christians be r/antiwork?

It’s the year 2027.

You’re the manager of “Company” that’s been forced to pay your employees $17 an hour (no benefits, no PTO), which as a small but successful business you can’t afford. Despite the New Government’s efforts to overturn this (unconstitutional) law, it’s been a slow process. Consequently, you’ve lowered your own (salaried) pay from roughly $255/hour to $200/hour to make up for the loss. Just kidding – you fired 3 employees, leaving 2 to do the work of 5. Generously, you pay them $19/hour.

It’s Monday morning.

Time for work!

But first you open up the “TruPatriots4Amerikka” app on your TrumpPhone 2 – a news app made specifically to combat “fake news” – and scroll through today’s happenings. There’s a live feed of Sean Feucht starting an “Honesty Culture” movement. Generally, you believe Sean is a sinner because you’re a Bible literalist and the Bible literally forbids men from having long hair and wearing shorts (those things are for sodomite reprobates, obviously).

But “Honesty Culture” sounds a bit like “Purity Culture” and you’re a 47 year old virgin, still waiting on “The One,” (your first marriage to your rebellious Jezebel wife who divorced you (after you cheated on her with your 15 18 year old nanny) for not being joyfully available enough following the birth of her 11th child doesn’t count. After all, you were merely following in the footsteps of holy, sanctified men of God like Doug Phillips and Bill Gothard)

Any who, you listen to Sean’s livestream on “Honesty Culture” preached from capitol hill and Sean is *gasp* claiming those who steal are going to hell. Specifically those who commit wage theft. These thieves are the equivalent of chewed up gum spit on the ground and trampled by size 12 Merrell hiking boots, and what awaits them is endless hellfire and brimstone. Sean lists things such as not paying workers for overtime, forcing employees to do things that aren’t part of their job descriptions, making employees work through breaks, and discouraging workers to take paid leave as examples of wage theft. All things you have done.

Sean admits he’s guilty too as he’s wearing clothing made by the underpaid, sweat-soaked, blood-stained hands of exploited children in India; clothing he promptly rips off and throws into a flaming fire pit. Nude, he publicly repents for his blasé attitude towards stealing, citing verses such as Ezekiel 16:49,”Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy,” and Deuteronomy 15:11 where just as God commanded women to stay home and pump out babies for Jesus God commands believers to …open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.”

Suddenly, Sean cuts both his legs off with a golden chainsaw that falls from the sky. With his dying breathe, Sean reminds everyone of Jesus saying how it’s better to lose a limb, then for the whole body to go into hell, before encouraging all who have committed wage theft to cut their limbs off instead of falling into eternal damnation.

The livestream ends abruptly.

As a holy, fundamentalist, KJV-only, conservative, Bible believing Christian, (HFKJVOCBBC) the word “theft” appalls you given “thou shall not steal” is one of the Ten Commandments = the crème de la crop of commands! Surely, one of the many preachers you listen to on “TruPatriotsTube” – Trump’s version of YouTube he created after overthrowing the government in 2024 following another election lost due to voter fraud – anyway, surely those conservative Bible-believing preachers have railed about wage thieves. Especially as it’s one of the 10 Commandments written right besides “thou shall not illegally immigrate to the USA a foreign country”, “thou shall not use birth control,” and “thou shall worship America!” – things you’ve heard dozens of sermons on.

To your complete and utter shock, you find practically nothing except vaguely that Christians should support veterans and cops. Among the Steven Andersons, Owen Strachems, Voddie Bauchmans, even God Himself John MacArthur – they preach mainly on how the gays are going to hell, women preachers are going to hell, people who support abortion are going to hell, and how we’re in a war with “Brandon’s people” (who are also going to hell), etc. You even scroll social media thinking some of those Christian male influencers who post hot takes are talking about this. But Godly TruPatriotsTubers like Paul Olliges, Nate Sutton, or SolieOlie’s Husband are wangsting about vaccine mandates, traditional masculinity, dating and what they want in a woman (despite already being married), and how they’re thankful a Godly authoritarian leader who emulates Jesus Christ like Trump has taken over America and they can now legally shoot people who walk past their homes without fear of being “cancelled”. Things that God, strangely, failed to mention in the Bible.

Being the HFKJVOCBBC that you are, for the first time in your life you read the entire Bible upon which your identity is built. You’re positively flabbergasted to learn that injustice and not screwing over workers is not a left-ish agenda at all, but is mentioned many times by God (more than abortion and loving your country!). In fact, it was one of the main reasons the Old Testament God was so “angry” all the time. You feel immediately convicted and sell everything you have to the poor (because you take the Word of God literally and don’t cherry-pick). You go to the nearest Lowes, purchase a chainsaw, and began live streaming on TruPatiotsTube (from the backyard of the house you’ve just sold) where you publicly repent for your sin of indifference towards something God clearly views worth destroying nations for, before attempting to cut your arm off.

Unfortunately, you aren’t wearing glasses or contact lenses as you learned two years ago via the “AntiFakeNewzSearch” engine that poor eyesight is a lie created by the radical left to insert 5G chips containing small doses of the covid vaccine into your bloodstream via your pupils (which will also give you cancer and make you infertile unless you drink a gallon of raw milk mixed with essential oils daily), so you end up hitting your neck instead. Miraculously still alive, you’re left partially decapitated and bleeding on the ground. You humbly accept this fate, assuming this is divine punishment for firing David last year because he requested two days off work to mourn the death of his mother.

A neighbor – Jess, the sinful liberal Christian with sinfully short, blue hair (short hair on women is a sin) who sinfully works as a barista (women working is a sin) at a local coffee shop (also a sin as the coffee shop posted a black square supporting BLM seven years ago) + she isn’t married despite being 16 – sees you and calls an ambulance. Though she attempts to comfort you as you’re dying, you tell her that as a HFKJVOCBBC you cannot be in the presence of a girl child woman you aren’t married too as it causes you to have “unclean” thoughts, which you’re trying to avoid as you are near death and don’t want to go to hell for being impure. Jess doesn’t listen (perhaps unable to hear past the blood gurgling from your mouth) and continues telling you that “everything will be okay,” while gently caressing your hand as sirens wail mournfully in the distance.

RIP

The “anti-work” movement seems to be more like anti not getting paid for their work, pro-having-a-life-outside-of-work, and pro-being-able-to-pay-your-rent-and-bills-with-a-job, anti-abusive-managers, etc. which are not outrageous ideas. In fact, there is a strong Biblical argument for all these things, given exploitation of the poor and the wealthy using unjust means to gain wealth was a big reason God was mad in the Old Testament.

Leviticus 19:13-14 says, “[y]ou shall not oppress your neighbor or rob him. The wages of a hired worker shall not remain with you all night until the morning.” Malachi puts wage theft on the same level as crystals and good vibes sorcerers, adulterers, and witches i.e. “… I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, against the adulterers, against those who swear falsely, against those who oppress the hired worker in his wages, the widow and the fatherless, against those who thrust aside the sojourner, and do not fear me, says the Lord of hosts.”

Jeremiah 22 (NIV) says, (v.13)“woe to him who builds his palace by unrighteousness, his upper rooms by injustice, making his own people work for nothing, not paying them for their labor.” (v16) … Did not your father have food and drinks? He did what was right and just, so all went well with him. He defended the cause of the poor and needy and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?” declares the Lord.”

The Bible contains some pretty hash words for something the church generally has very little to say about. And like Christians will march against the government because they don’t want to wear a piece of cloth over their mouth before marching for living wages. The poor will always be among us, but as Christians it’s our obligation to take care of their needs. One way of doing that is to advocate for fair working conditions and fair wages.

Much like basically every secular movement that has filled gaps the church should’ve addressed long ago (civil rights, feminism), the anti-work movement is another such growing idea that took off during the pandemic in 2020. Advocating for the rights of the oppressed isn’t communistic liberal ideology though; it’s literally Biblical. Conservatism has so infiltrated and become synonymous with Christianity in America, many modern American Christians will oppose something merely because they perceive it as liberal even if they’re in opposition of what the Bible actually says – that’s why it’s important as Christians to actually read the Bible, and to not let your identity be “conservative” or “liberal” but “Biblical.”

God cares about equity and justice; He detests differing weights (Proverbs 20:23 NIV); the ESV calls “unequal weights” an abomination. Proverbs 29:27 labels the unjust man an abomination. One merely needs to look at the world around them to see there’s a problem. People shouldn’t be struggling to pay rent and buy groceries while working a full-time job, whilst those they work for buy mansions and yachts. School teachers shouldn’t be buying supplies out of their own pockets and having to work over the summer to pay their bills. Without workers, these companies wouldn’t even exist. If every essential employee (grocery workers, teachers, police, hospital staff, whoever keeps our internet/electricity running) went on an indefinite strike today, how fast do you think people would realize the value of their labor?

So should Christians be anti-work?

Probably. As Aristotle (or someone) said, “poverty is the parent of revolution and crime.” Eventually, something will give – just as it has in the past with various movements advocating for the rights of women, or POC. Hopefully, when the next movement rolls arounds, Christians will truly follow the Bible and be on the side of the oppressed. Even better, if we’d be at the forefront of these movements. It’s only what Gods commands, after all.

Paul Olliges Is Upset Twitter is Pro-Life

Paul Olliges, of the Morgan and Paul show, is half of the Christian couple duo who post hot takes on YouTube from a “Christian” perspective. And by “hot” they parrot already widely popular conservative views on social and cultural issues that 100% of conservatives already agree with.

Generally, Morgan and Paul don’t have anything thought-provoking, nor Scriptural, to add to whatever they’re talking about. But Morgan has a very pretty voice, great fashion style, and some super cool tattoos so they present as more normal compared to the likes of Girl Defined and they also aren’t scamming people out of money like Brittany Dawn so… it’s something.

Morgan has been very publicly struggling with infertility for the past several years, something Paul (her husband) has neither spoken about, nor publicly supported her in, which I find incredibly odd given Paul is always talking about how people not having kids are the reason the world is ending or something (which it’s shady posting this sort of stuff when you know your wife desperately wants kids…).

Anyway, Paul is upset his random Bible verse he probably pilfered from the Bible app’s verse of the day didn’t get as many retweets as his wife, Morgan, getting pregnant after five years of struggling with infertility.

Ladies, marry a man who gets upset at your unborn child #dontsettle #kingdommarriage

Granted, critical thinking is often not many a Christians strong point and it seems Paul Olliges is no exception. But it doesn’t take a genius to recognize most people, Christian and non-Christian alike, are excited when new life is brought into the world. Naturally, Morgan’s pregnancy post is going to get a lot of attention, especially considering she’s a public figure. Also, I can legit read the Bible myself – why am I gonna like some rando’s Bible verse on Twitter?

The post reeks of jealously, which envy is one of the 7 deadly sins. However, it also highlights a larger issue I have with the majority of Christian, male influencers, which is that they aren’t at all like Christ, nor do they exemplify Biblical masculinity in the way they should. Yet their wives often uphold them as the pinnacle of masculinity with traits other men should emulate. Much discourse among these “traditional” circles is spent waxing poetic about how women should smile, cook, have sex no matter what, stay home, etc. as if these things are peak femininity when none of this stuff is mentioned in the Bible as things women have to do. Yet, very few of these circles also hold men to high Biblical expectations as it pertains to masculinity, namely God’s command that a leader is one who serves, and that husbands should lay aside their desires and lives for their wives. Paul Olliges doesn’t even have a job and his poor wife was living in a friends basement until recently. Ironically, working is actually something the Bible does command husbands do, even saying, “[b]ut if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Paul hasn’t even bothered posting about his soon-to-be-child either, which as someone who’s repeatedly shamed others for not having more children, you would think his own child would be worth celebrating.

My bro in Christ seems to be like many popular “Christian” social influencers – a conservative cosplaying as a Christian in order to live a certain lifestyle, rather than a genuine Christian interested in becoming more like Jesus and bringing others to Christ. Of course, God only knows Paul’s heart, but from celebrating arsons burning buildings, to whining about vaccines and masks, shaming others for not having more children when he has 0, and whining about having to pay $10 to buy his wife a pizza (like seriously, it’s $10.), he certainly doesn’t exemplify many of the fruits of the spirit publicly. And people usually put on their best face for social media.

Jesus says they will know us by our fruits. Kindness, gentleness, self-control, patience, humility – these traits are evidence of a walk with God. We should expect to see these things in other Christians, particularly from husbands whom are tasked with spiritually leading families. In the absence of good fruit, we should question whether or not someone is really a Christian, or just pretending to be. Jesus instructs us to cut down every tree that doesn’t bear good fruit and to straight up avoid false prophets. As Christians, we should be careful not to support those whom consistently and publicly display behavior opposite of what Christ teaches, especially men whom should lead in displaying Biblical fruit.

No one is perfect and God doesn’t expect us to be. However, scripture also tells us that, “not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” Those who position themselves as bearers of Biblical truth online should expect to be held to high standards.

It’s important to be sober-minded and alert, and above all, knowledgeable of what the Bible actually says and expects of believers. When we know scripture, we’ll easily be able to pick out those whom are simply using Christianity for their own benefit. Paul Olliges really ought to spend less time trying to own the libs and more time trying to bring them to Christ as Jesus did.

That is, after all, what a true Christian would do.