Tag: movies

Rating Trash DCEU Movies

*Spoilers*

A decade late but whatever. I recently (as in over quarantine so not recently) suffered through Batman vs. Superman and decided to rate it. Also, I’m back on my posting thrice a week nonsense (lol).

All opinions are my own and my opinions are trash. However, my criteria basically is:

  1. No Because Plot
  2. No Glaring Plot Holes/Continuity Errors
  3. No lame, cringe unnatural dialogue (this includes uber woke sjw warrior dialogue and attempts at preaching to the audience via another character)
  4. Things must be shown and not told.
  5. Protagonists must go through some sort of character development, good or bad
  6. Female characters, if they are the protagonist, should not have a plot that revolves around a male character (unless it’s a romance).
  7. Characters cannot toss away every traditionally feminine or masculine trait solely for the sake of being woke

Man of Steel

  • set the ground work for what could have been a superior Man of Steel 2, or at least lead into a decent Batman solo movie.
  • score was fantastic
  • seeing super-powered beings beat each other up is fun.
  • Henry Cavill is hella f i n e.
  • Twas ok until it becomes a horror movie Zod is introduced.
  • Clark’s father going back for a dog and Superman not rescuing him made -0 sense. Sorry Sparky but bye. The directors show us multiple times Superman throwing caution to the wind by saving people, yet he’s really not gonna even try with his own dad????
    • This could’ve been easily remedied if they’d either showed young Clark repeatedly letting people die when he could’ve saved them (out of character, but consistent), or pulled something like Clark fails to save Pa because he hesitates for a second too long or whatever and a beam of wood hit his head. Didn’t fit his character that he was just like “oh no, I could save my dad but he said not too, so I’m just gonna stand here and watch him die because people might see me!!!”

The whole fight between Zod.

  • Why didn’t Supes try to get him out of Metropolis? I get it’s his third day on the job, but like just one-punch man him into space.
  • Why make out with Lois Lane instead of helping folks? There’s so much focus on religious/Christian imagery, but not enough Superman saving those around him, which is the core of Superman’s character. Again, this could’ve been remedied somewhat by showing Superman balancing saving people and fighting Zod, before realizing Zod’s just gonna keep trying to kill people unless he merks him. This could lead nicely into Superman snapping Zod’s neck.
  • Supes killing Zod – literally why move his head towards the family? Why was the family just sitting there screaming? Really, the writers couldn’t have at least corralled them into a corner or trapped them under some debris? Again, if the writers had shown Zod repeatedly killing people and Superman savingthem until realizing that he really was gonna have to kill Zod to get him to stop, this could build nicely into Zod’s kamikaze me speech and Supes deciding to kill him, since at that point Zod’s purpose for being alive was over and he probably really would have just kept causing chaos on Earth until he died.

This movie could have been an interesting take on Superman, who’s literally so perfect, good, and indestructible he veers into boring territory. If they’d amped up the idea of him struggling with wanting to help humanity because of his nature vs. wanting to live low-key for the sake of his parents and also feeling like humanity is generally trash for the way they’ve ostracized him, it could’ve been grand.

Also, they should’ve played up the whole Superman finding his people thing as that would have made him having to kill Zod actually sad. Despite it’s flaws, I still found Man of Steel enjoyable; however, I’m certain that’s simply because of Henry Cavill’s physical appearance.

Man of Steel Rating: 6.5/10

Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice

A single conversation between Batman and Superman, which would have been about as long as their actual fight was, would have rendered BvS nonexistent.

  • Why did everyone blame Superman for what happened in Metropolis? Technically, he activated that ship or whatever that brought Zod here, but like that’s not what people were mad about. It’s clear the terraforming machine did the bulk of the damage to the city.
  • Why was Batman specifically so upset with Superman?
  • Why did Superman run away to sulk after that EMT said he needed space? I get Snyder was going for a Superman who needed to grow or whatever, but Superman wouldn’t mope on Lois’ window frame because his feelings got hurt. Furthermore, the EMT saying that didn’t even make sense given Superman was clearly helping get people from the building.
  • Why wasn’t the first words Superman said to Batman when he went to beat his #+% “Lex Luthor kidnapped my mother,” ????
  • Why did Superman say “save Martha” instead of “save my mother” ?????
  • Joker-lite Lex Luthor in general? (????)
  • How did Lois know to look for the spear?
  • Why didn’t Wonder Woman run the spear through Doomsday? She, with her super strength, uses a sword already and wouldn’t have been slowly dying whilst handling it.
  • Why was Doomsday even there?

First, we needed a Wonder Woman and Batman movie, maybe Man of Steel II.

A Batman movie or MoS II would serve to a.) introduce us to this Batman and give us a reason to care about him zipping under falling buildings stressed out b.) introduce us to Lex Luthor, who we’re just suppose to assume is very smart c.) develop the relationship between Lois and Superman.

Second, a more fitting title would’ve been Batman vs. Superman vs. Lex Luthor vs. The United States Military vs. The Media vs. The United States Government vs. Superman’s Nature vs. Doomsday: Dawn of Justice featuring Wonder Woman, with cameos from the Flash, Aquaman, and Darkseid.

Too much going on, which is precisely what a Batman solo movie/MoS II could have fixed.

In a Batman solo movie, the issue of superheroes having too much power could have been fleshed out with Batman doing his whole judge, jury, executioner deal in Gotham while dealing with the fall-out of the fight between Zod and Superman (the focus could’ve been like Batman vs. the Media/Government). Here, we could see why Batman had such a hate boner against Superman if we see Batman eventually allowing himself to be held accountable, yet feeling as if Supes is doing his own thing because he’s too powerful. Could even have Lex Luthor shoehorned in here as a villain because he acted like the Joker anyway this would allow us to see how exactly Lex is so smart.

Sadly, even rushed and sans other movies it potentially could have been ok if writers focused the first half of the movie on Batman and Superman being generally sus of each other with Lex trying to pit everyone against Superman whilst working on his blood sacrifice Doomsday/Zod reincarnation until Batman realizes he’s being played by Lex like everyone else thanks to Lois, too late as Lex has already used Kryptonite technology to bring Doomsday to life (Doomsday even being in this movie at all makes no sense).

Alas, that’s not what happened.

Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice Rating: 3/10.

Justice League

  • The CGI was trash
  • The score was okay
  • The only character with personality was The Flash
  • Steppenwolf was lame, generic, and corny and if you don’t know anything about him from the comics, he makes absolutely no sense either
  • The humor was clearly an attempt to copy Marvel for money. They should’ve stuck with the darker tone and maybe let The Flash be some occasional comedic relief
  • The fight scenes were lame, like how are you going to have a bunch of superpowered beings mostly just punch one another

Again, would have benefitted from several movies involving these characters. And similar to BvS, the plot was totally unfocused and messy; the characters only come together because the plot needs them too, not because it makes any sense. They have almost no chemistry either, not even awkward we’re only here because we have to be chemistry.

The Snyder cut was a slow-motion version of the original movie. Sure, the CGI looked better and there were some nice scenes added, but the framework of the movie is not that good and while Snyder’s version was better, that’s mostly because the original version tried to do in 2 hours what needed to be done over like 5-6 movies, which was develop the characters enough that I cared to watch what they were doing.

That said, I do vaguely recall enjoying Justice League when I watched in it theaters. Probably because Henry Cavill, Jason Momoa, and Gal Gadot were in it

Justice League Rating: 4.5/10

Lack of humor isn’t the issue with these movies – they could’ve stuck with the darker, grittier tone because the superhero market is ripe for that, and not like The Boys and trashburn Brightburn edge lord dark (I like the Boys tbh), but something less comedic that explores what it means to be a superhero, how superheroes work with governments, how superheroes are held accountable, etc.

What’s missing here is character development. You have to make viewers care about your characters before throwing them into situations. Any movie can give us fight scenes and good visuals, but when viewers feel emotionally attached they’ll keep coming back. And when viewers simply like the characters themselves, they’re much more likely to overlook plot holes like these.

Anyway, Suicide Squad was also terrible, but I stopped watching that once whoever Cara’s character was became The Enchantress, so it would be disingenuous to rate it. The Joker was lame and over the top. Only good thing to come out of it was Harley Quinn and Will Smith’s character. Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Birds of Prey, and Shazam are not included as those were alright.

2025, The World Enslaved by Poor Writers

“What Did Corona Do To Jesus?!”

“Nothing!”

Goofy A-HYUCK! | Goofy, Mickey and friends, Pluto the dog

I recently-ish watched 2025, A World Enslaved by A Virus. Christian cinema is generally terrible and this was no exception. However, I love a good wild conspiracy theory movie because the government is generally trash and so am I, so obviously trash movies appeal to me.

That said, these types of fundamentalist persecution movies always overlook blatant, obvious corruption in favor of obscure theories about blood drinking democratic vampires building child-trafficking colonies on Mars which like did every conservative conveniently forget Nathan Larson, a pro-pedophilia, pro-incest, pro-rape, white supremist ran for the Republican party of conservative family values? Roy Moore was a Republican. Trump called his own daughter hot. Matt Gaetz??? Like we really do not need to make up absurd theories to see neither party has the moral high-ground over this issue, nor do they care about the well-being of children.

Anyway, I’m not gonna pretend I watched this entire movie, which honestly negates this review, but I’m trying to get back into blogging 3x a week after taking a Forbidden West induced hiatus and this is all I could think of blogging about on a rainy, Wednesday night.

*Spoilers*

2025 shockingly takes place in the year 2025, which if it had been set in like 2035 maybe I’d buy it, but everyone speaks fluent English? In 3 years? Nah, fam.

The movie begins with Glasses Dude being arrested for vague reasons by cops who cannot shoot a gun. Soon, Glasses Dude reminisces with Cop 1, because the government has banned weddings, concerts, and ice cream. Next, there’s about 20 minutes of them talking poor English in a dark room, which normally I wouldn’t comment on but like the directors are German and chose to make a movie in English. The ban on everything presumably explains why it’s always raining and no one is out on the streets as I assume the government has also banned umbrellas and raincoats, forcing people to stay indoors.

We meet Some Woman and they’re in someone’s house. At this point, I still don’t know anyone’s names, nor their relation to each other, and the movie is so dark I can’t really make out anyone’s faces. However, I do know one of the dudes in this movie was dating his wife when she was under aged, which since this movie is generally about the decay of morality in society, that seems kinda sus. Anyway, they preach again for 20 minutes, then spray paint fishes in the Woods and tunnels. Even now, there are droves of anti-vax Christians roaming around the Woods and tunnels of Germany, so this make tons of sense. Like they already have a rubric for this sort of religious censorship via China, North Korea, and Russia, but I guess writing fanfiction is a lot more interesting than creating anything based on reality?

Some Woman ft. Glasses Dudes 1 & 2

Anyway, while spray painting trees they’re attacked by Cop 2. Some Woman is shot and Glasses Dude abandons her; like homeboy really dipped after all that preaching.

A wild Blond Mask appears. He saves Some Woman and they all run off. Scene change! A random person sits in a green room while electric music plays in the background, reading stuff on Wikipedia. Obviously a hacker despite only being capable of Googling information.

This person turns out to be Holly the Hacker who wants to help. Rather than just say that, we get a 10 minute conversation repeating information we’ve already heard, which is that Holly wishes she could experience things like eating ice cream. I’m confused – it’s been 5 years since 2020. Has Holly never been to a concert or the beach ever in her entire life?

Holly the Hacker can hack all the phones of Christians in Germany, or the world (?), presumably because there’s an online database of (German?) Christians listing their phone numbers publicly for the government (who’s banned Christianity) to peruse. Seriously, why isn’t this database being used to burn Christians at the stake?

Oh by the way there is Curly Blonde in some side plot who is eating muesli and presumably warm milk that was left out overnight.

Anyway, Glasses Dude gives yet another sermon from atop a truck to about 5 people on how sad the world is, ruled by communists and the government, even saying the government decides when “they should die,” and their children are taken from them. Again, this is the same dude who was apparently dating a child at 14 while fully an adult so again… just a bit sus, my brother.

Side note: English is the global language – why does that stop people from speaking German in private with one another?

Anyway, we get a nice sequence of Glasses Dude and Some Other (?) Woman flirtatiously walking around some ruins as various places on the world go red.

Even with the world ending, gotta get laid!

We get another 15 minute conversation/sermon where my ability to suspend my disbelief fizzled because they’re handing each other CDs. Really? Not even USBs?

Anyway, this is where I decided I’d rather die for the 509th time in Sekiro over finishing this movie. I let it play in the background and apparently after the same car chase we saw in the beginning, he’s taken out into the woods and shot at night. I thought Christianity was illegal, so what’s the need for all this secrecy?

The movie could’ve possibly been coherent if they’d hired decent actors, hired a decent script writer, utilized far more subtlety, and framed it as an issue of government overreach rather than as Christian fundamentalist persecution fanfiction. It would still be whack but at least plausible because being told to wear masks and get vaccinated are not examples of persecution. No doubt the writers of the Bible, who were sawn in half, stoned, and stabbed to death with swords for preaching the gospel, are surely trying to get God to amend the Bible ASAP to add “cancel culture” and “vaccine/mask mandates” to the list of things early day Christians were martyred over.

Anyway, I’ve had dreams about being a gold fish stuck in the land of World War Z with less plot holes than this.

2025: The World Enslaved By a Virus Rating: 2.2/10

Should Christians Watch Soul?

An alternative title is Rating Morgan and Paul’s Harry Potter Video. However, I’m trying to up my clickbait game. Also, feeling myself because my B.Dawn ramblings got posted to reddit, where I use to post on nosleep haha.

Anyway, gonna go back to trash posting asap but I recently watched Soul, I’ve never watched/read Harry Potter. Fun story: when I was like 7 or 8 my Great Aunt brought me the first book in the Harry Potter series for Christmas; my mom threw it in the trash because witchcraft.

Needless to say, Morgan and Paul approach this topic wrong as it’s not their job to tell Christians what to watch – the proper question is, “does watching Harry Potter or Soul benefit me and my relationship with God or nah?” If you feel the need to even ask this question, your conscience has answered for you. That said – it’s a smart title. +1.

They begin by talking about Soul. Morgan says “as an adult” she liked it, but kids wouldn’t understand it, then says something about it having nothing Biblical in terms of the afterlife. Thematically, Soul isn’t abut the afterlife so w h a t? Also, kids don’t understand most Biblical stuff. Back when I taught Sunday school, I did a lesson on the plagues of Egypt. After watching the video where God kills the Egyptians first born sons, one child about five, said during question time something like, “Why would God kill them just because they didn’t obey?” all big eyed and adorable. Kids do understand quite a bit, but how does one explain to a child, who thinks disobedience is not listening to their parents when they say, “put your toys away”, why God would kill the Egyptians simply because they “didn’t obey”? If Morgan’s logic here is that kids shouldn’t watch Soul because they won’t get it, well they also not teach kids most of the Old Testament.

Morgan’s overall reply is actually reasonable (except for not wanting her kids to have an imagination – w h a t?) Anyway, + 2.5.

Paul brings up Aladdin, which he loved as a youngin so +1. He mentions how Aladdin et. al prayed to Allah (Islam aside, that literally means God) and some other things, so he’s a bit iffy about it. But like Paul is still a Christian as an adult who is not praying to Allah, so like what exactly is he trying to say? Watching Aladdin didn’t greatly change his faith. (Also, my parents wouldn’t let me watch Aladdin as a child either because magic). Again, his answer is actually decent in that he talks about giving room for people that have personal convictions. + 2.5 points.

A little later, they start talking about Harry Potter (which I haven’t seen so can’t really judge).

They day magic and witchcraft is against the Bible; Paul says his spirit was grieved, which ok. Not all of us can handle a little magic without having an existential crisis I guess. But we all have different stumbling blocks for our faith, so this is a fair point. + 0.5

Then, Morgan starts talking about how she struggled with depression, anxiety, etc. as a teen and seemingly blames Harry Potter on it. Weird as I also struggled with depression and anxiety as a teen, yet I never read Harry Potter. I did read Berserk in high school, so maybe that was it.

They start talking about witchcraft, New Age, Narnia, even finding some witch married to a warlock who said the vibes of Harry Potter were off even by her wicked witch-like standards. Narnia = good because the witch = clearly bad. As if somehow her being a witch makes her bad, rather than her just generally being a bad person. I take it they don’t like complex characters and are the main reason Christian fiction is dumb. -0.5 points.

The video could essentially be summed up as, “it’s a personal conviction,” which is the correct, Biblical answer. If it’s not explicitly in the Bible, that means as individuals we have to seek God for ourselves to find out what the individual will of God is for our lives.

This livestream however, and the questions asked during it, highlights my biggest issue with most Christians, which is a lack of ability to think for themselves, hear from the Lord personally and figure out what God wants you to do, and then trust those convictions and decisions without getting defensive or judgmental when others make different choices. The fact that some of M & P’s viewers find Veggie Tales scary and have an issue with fantasy, while they don’t, attests to the fact God has given us various convictions and boundaries, and that doesn’t mean some of us are living in sin, or more holier than others for abstaining from certain things. It just means that what God allows one person to do (because it won’t affect their relationship with Him), He doesn’t allow others to do (because it may).

To me, that’s not a difficult concept to comprehend and accept, yet some Christians will create entire cults based on their personal preferences *coughs in Duggar* and are generally unable to mind their own business.

My second problem (outside the fact Morgan and Paul are overly conservative and thus, everything they say is filtered through that (not Biblical) bias) is why ask Morgan and Paul, who have zero theological training, how you should live when you should be asking God and digging into scripture? Objectively, the people asking have the same qualifications as these two, so it’s not like they can give anyone an answer they won’t be able to glean from the Bible themselves.

Last, Morgan and Paul shouldn’t really be answering these questions at all – they should be encouraging their viewers to dig into scripture. It’s telling nay a Bible verse was quoted in this entire video.

The apostle Paul says, “[e]verything is permissible for me”-but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me-but I will not be mastered by anything.”

Contextually, Paul was probably talking about like disputes among believers who were taking each other to worldly courts over civil matters. He was like ‘yeah sure you can do that, but is that actually beneficial for the church?’ Why go before worldly folks to judge between two Christians rather than the church? But I think the verse can be applied to various issues that aren’t plainly spelled out in the Bible.

As Christians, we can watch Harry Potter and Soul, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be beneficial for our relationship with God. Fortunately, life is going to look different for each of us and one won’t find the answers to some questions unless we seek the Lord ourselves. Christians really ought to take a more proactive stance on their faith and stop relying on Christian influencers and politicians to tell them how to live.

The beauty of having a relationship with Jesus is that we’re now in direct relationship with God. We don’t have to rely on the middle man to discover the Lord’s will for our lives, we can go straight to the Source and ask Him if we can watch Soul (10/10 movie btw). It’s a privilege we shouldn’t neglect.

Video Rating: 6.5/10. 3 Points deducted for lack of scripture backing up what they say and an extra 0.5 points as they generally they could’ve been more succinct, even on a livestream.