It ain’t this.

A few weeks ago, it impressed upon me I ought to start looking decent again. Consequently, I’ve gotten into some feminine YouTubers like The Feminine Fancy and Mrs. Midwest.

But while listening to some of these feminine bloggers wax poetic about femininity and the woes of modern society, it made me wonder what exactly is Biblical femininity per the Bible?

Could it be that wearing skirts is inherently feminine and thus crucial to living a life of true Biblical womanhood?

But clothing is very cultural/societal, and it changes with the times. Men far more “masculine” than these podcast dudes whining about the good old days on YouTube wore skirts and heels to battle. Like if fighting for your country is not peak masculinity, I don’t know what is.

So true Biblical femininity can’t be something that changes based on society’s whims. It has to be something inherent in the way God made us.

Furthermore, the notion of becoming more feminine (more like a female) by changing your outward appearance to fit society’s definition of femininity plays into the idea that gender is fluid, which folks like the Duggars or the Transformed Wife would certainly balk at.

Ironically, many Christians do let society/culture determine what is and isn’t feminine (and masculine) as opposed to the Bible. Everyone wore skirts and robes (and even heels) until not long ago. America’s Founding Fathers wore wigs and makeup. What’s considered feminine (and even sexual) varies from culture to culture.

Biologically, it makes more sense for men to wear skirts anyway (men are missing out on peak comfort). So it’s a bit disingenuous to preach certain clothes are inherently feminine or masculine, when you’re merely preaching your personal preferences, or you’re preaching what society deems feminine and masculine.

Not ignoring the verse in Deuteronomy that says men shouldn’t dress like women, and vice versa.

However, looking at the overall context with which Deuteronomy was written as God telling the Israelites not to be like those other “heathens” and telling them not to do what the “heathens” do, not forbidding specific clothing (which everyone dressed alike back then anyway…).

Though I do think it’s important to consider culture when talking about these things because the Bible was culturally relevant and context matters. Therefore, we as Christians should be culturally relevant. Culture doesn’t trump the Bible though, and neither does tradition.

So once I ruled out clothes as being the marker of true Biblical femininity, I turned to personality traits. Surely things like gentleness, kindness, patience, and being nurturing come more naturally to women?

However, being caring, gentle, nurturing, patient, loving, and kind are traits Jesus says all Christians should display (Galatians 5: 22-23), and all Christians are to emulate Christ (Ephesians 5: 1-2) and “serve one another in love”.

So, what is Biblical femininity if it’s not the way one dresses or behvaes?

Looking at actual women in the Bible is probably the best place to start. What does God say about women? What roles did He give them? What did He empower them to do?

In Exodus, Miriam is described as a prophet. Deborah was a judge, appointed by the Lord Himself as the highest ranking official in Israel, aka the president. Esther was basically Wonder Woman who saved her people, and the Proverbs 31 woman was a modern day boss babe, who took care of her family and brought her own field with her own money #baller. Rahab saved her entire fam.

Paul praised Phoebe, a deacon and called Priscilla his colleague, meaning they were both preaching and teaching the gospel to men and women.

Paul also encouraged women to get educated by learning quietly from their husbands, and said it’d be better if no one ever married.

Jesus also never married. So, Biblical femininity can’t be tied to marriage and children, because our highest calling as Christians is to be like Christ and serve God, not to simply serve our families.

Lydia opened a home church and brought salvation to her family. It’s mentioned that Timothy learned the gospel from his grandma and mom.

Mary was chilling at the feet of Jesus while Martha was doing more housewife things. But Jesus didn’t tell Mary to help Martha in the kitchen, he actually told Martha to chill out and praised Mary for choosing the more important thing (Luke 10: 38-42) .

In conclusion, trying to determine what is feminine is a moot point and probably a waste of time. Wearing skirts, smiling, and baking bread does little to further the kingdom of God.

It’s also asking the wrong question, and focusing on the wrong things (1 Peter 3: 3-4, 1 Samuel 16: 7).

I doubt God cares if you wear jeans to church, so much as he cares if you are loving Him (obeying his law), and loving your neighbor and family.

Yet we stay divided as Christians over things that in the grand scheme of life doesn’t matter. We won’t be baking pastries in Heaven, but we will be surrounded by those we’ve brought to Christ. We won’t even be married in Heaven!

While some personality traits may come more easily to women or men, the mark of a true Christian is one who displays the fruits of the spirit and is able to put down their natural, fleshly nature (Galatians 5:16. Romans 8:13). Gender isn’t an excuse to not exercise self-control, kindness, love, gentleness, joy, peace, and patience.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with having certain convictions like not cutting your hair, not owning a tv, etc. as long as those convictions aren’t harming anyone else, a sin, or is leading people away from Christ. And there’s nothing wrong with fitting into whatever your culture’s definition of femininity and masculinity is either.

But if you start preaching culture/traditions and personal preferences as the Word of God, and shaming everyone who doesn’t do things exactly the way you do them, you may want to spend a little bit more time at the feet of Jesus, examining your own motivations and humbling yourself.

When you’re more focused on what your neighbor is wearing and doing than on bringing your neighbor to Christ, you’ve completely lost the heart of the gospel and as such, the heart of God (2 Peter 3:9).