Who’s the best girl in FFVII Remake?

I recently finished FFVII remake (like a year late lol). It has waifus  female characters in it, thus I shall rate them.

All ratings are based 107% on my personal, irrelevant opinions. 

My criteria essentially is:

1. Their removal would affect the plot game
2. They undergo some change/character development, good or bad (not as applicable in video games tbh)
3. We see different sides of their personality
4. They have a plot of their own that doesn’t revolve entirely around a male character. (Cloud is literally the main character; the entire game revolves around him so this one isn’t applicable)
5. They are well-developed within the confines of the role they are written to play 
6. They don’t toss away every traditionally feminine trait in an attempt to be a strong, independent womyn

***Spoilers Abound***

Aerith

• wields a staff
• uses magic
• excitedly hit one of Don Corneo’s men with a chair
• grew up imprisoned in the Shinra building, but isn’t bitter to everyone around her because of it
• was being chased by cloaked demons and Shinra, yet was pretty chill about the whole ordeal (still picking flowers and whatnot)
• saves Marlene
• wasn’t mad about Cloud crushing her flowers
• relentlessly flirts with Cloud from the moment they meet until the game’s end, yet tells him not to fall in love with her
• is a genuinely nice person
• can fight in that long dress without tripping
• the last Ancient
• basically an energizer bunny. Her really not giving a single flip going into that ghost warehouse was the sort of energy we all need to sustain in 2021.

Aerith doesn’t take anything too seriously and she’s also not socially awkward, which makes her a nice contrast to the moodier, socially awkward Cloud. She provides a nice breath of comic relief, but also has more serious moments (such as the garden scene where she talks about living in the moment……..). She’s also like incredibly chill and friendly for someone who’s being hunted by almost everyone on the planet.

Aerith Rating: 9/10

Tifa

• is objectively the strongest on the team
• fine af
• basically a mother, always concerned, always trying to help out even to the detriment of literally everyone involved
• fights in several incredibly impractical outfits without flashing anyone
• doesn’t like ghosts
• obviously likes Cloud yet is pretty low-key about it

Tifa is like the cool, chic version of Aerith (minus when it comes to ghosts) except Tifa is f i n e super athletic. Literally everyone loves Tifa‘s body. 

Also, Tifa not recognizing Cloud, who she’s known since a child, in a dress will forever be the highlight of my life. 

Tifa Rating: 8/10

Jessie

• created the bombs that blow up the Mako reactors
• created bombs in general
• openly and aggressively flirted with Cloud
• was part of Avalanche, trying to liberate the world from Shinra
• survived for a really long time on top of that plate before dying
• was nice to jerk Cloud
• was bold af, inviting Cloud to her room the  literal moment an opportunity presents itself
• wore practical clothing
• had some great, funny lines
• basically Aerith but somehow more chipper and direct

Basically, these Aerith, Tifa, and Jessis are the same person with different clothes. Anyway, Jessie is also very awesome and is the best girl.

Sadly, she never got Cloud that pizza. Alas, we hardly knew ye before ye perished during the collapse of Sector’s 7’s plate though.

Jessie Rating: 9.5/10

Marlene

A cute kid; also Barret’s daughter except she looks nothing like Barret.  If not for her, Aerith probably would’ve made a clean escape from Sector 7…

Marlene Rating: 5.3/10

Elmyra (Aerith’s Mom)

• A true ride or die. Waited for her man all the years despite not knowing if he would return or not (he didn’t).
• Took in Aerith as a child.
• Didn’t want Aerith hanging around Cloud.
• Queen.

Elmyra Rating: 6.5/10

Aerith’s Biological Mom

• Dies before the game even begins.
• Has a name, but I don’t remember it, which is telling.

Aerith’s Biological Mom Rating: 2/10

Betty

• Basically Marlene with a bun.
• She likes to bust a move though and was not feeling 90% of the song choices you picked in her side quest.
• She also makes you find her cats.

Betty Rating: 7/10

Marle

• A landlord before Sector 7 perishes.
• straight up threatens Cloud not to mess with Tifa.
• sympathetic towards Avalanche and I guess lets Cloud live rent-free or something in her apartments.

She seems to view Tifa as her granddaughter. Queen.

Marle Rating: 7/10

The Woman in Sector 5 Who Sells You Items

Couldn’t find a picture but this women has an attitude for legit no reason when you go to buy items from her, more so than other shopkeepers. This is similar to Cloud at the game’s beginning, who is also a jerk for no reason. 

The Woman in Sector 5 Who Sells You Items Rating:10/10

Scarlet

• uses a Shinra soldier as a footstool/makes him follow her around like a dog
• gets off to Materia or something
• peaced out when the Materia went haywire, dooming the scientists to their deaths
• is rich
• has a typical, evil mad woman type of laugh

Red is the color of evil women. Not only is Scarlet’s name basically red, but she’s wearing all red and showing lots of cleavage – the universal signs for an evil woman in a video game/anime/manga.  Anyway, Scarlet is a queen.

Scarlet Rating: 8/10

Jenova Dreamweaver Critter

Whatever you fight at the end with tentacles pre-Sephiroth. Not as hard as fighting Sephiroth but still it was a long battle.

Jenova  Dreamweaver Critter Rating: 7.5/10

Cloud In A Dress

• (Tifa doesn’t recognize Cloud)
• (Chadley doesn’t recognize Cloud)
• (Literally no one recognizes him despite Cloud making zero effort to hide his voice)
• Makes Aerith way too excited
• Gets picked by Don Corneo
• Is preceded by busting a move with Andrea at the Honeybee Inn

Cloud In Dress Rating: Sephiroth’s Final  Attack That Kills Your Party If It Reaches Ten/10

Probably missed some female characters, but oh well.

If you’re extra bored (like I clearly am), I also rated the female characters in Parasyte – the maxim, Berserk and Lookism.