Fellas, is it wrong to take your lady out for ice cream on a first date?

Personally, for me yes.

As a lactose-intolerant gal, I’d rather not willingly subject myself to a stomach ache on a first date. But what would the Bible say about Christian bros taking Christian ladies out to ice cream on a first date? Ladies, is it borderline Satanic for a man to invite you out to ice cream instead of a 5-star restaurant the literal first day you’ve met him in real life??? Does that make him a low-value, low-effort man?

Let’s see what the good Lord says.

The Bible is notoriously quiet about the subject of dating probably because God doesn’t actually care if you date, when you date, etc. Otherwise, He would’ve been more specific in the Bible about it. Therefore, I’m going to assume dating falls under the “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling” umbrella.

However, The Feminine Fancy had a somewhat interesting video on this topic that seemed to get to the core of the real issue with ice cream dates: effort and standards.

In other words, asking a lady out for ice cream as a first date is low-effort particularly after a certain age. Being the “cool girl” aka the girl who’s okay with low-effort dates won’t get you into a lasting relationship.

But what does the Bible say about having high-standards, or any standards at all? And can that be applied to dating?

First, as Christians we are instructed to, “love our neighbors as ourselves” and “[i]n everything do to others what you would have them do to you,” (Matthew 7:12). Furthermore, as Christians we are told to walk in the fruits of the spirit, among them are kindness and love, and to “serve one another in love.” This isn’t specific to dating, but rather how we as Christians should treat others regardless of our relationship with them.

So, already we have a baseline for conduct towards each other whether we are pursuing them romantically or not, and those are relatively high expectations.

Next, 1 Timothy 5:1-2 says, “[d]o not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father; younger men as brothers, older women as mother, younger women as sisters, in all purity.” Again, not specific to dating but a little more specific in terms of how to treat the opposite sex, as brothers or sisters.

Lastly, we are told “[s]o whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God,” and “[i]n everything set them an example by doing what is good in your teaching those integrity, seriousness…so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.” (Titus 2: 7-8). Our behavior should glorify God (Colossians 3:23), so our actions and the way we treat others ultimately reflect Christ. The issue isn’t low-effort or high-effort, but do my actions meet the standards that Christ expects from me?

So does this mean the fellas shouldn’t ask the ladies out on ice cream dates because it’s the bare minimum?

One could certainly argue that Christian bros should set themselves apart from the world by putting in more effort than their secular bros when it comes to dating, because Christians in general should be excellent in all areas.

On the flip side, one could also argue there are plenty of ladies who would take advantage of a bros’ generosity with no intention of pursuing a romantic relationship with him, which also is not Biblical per Thessalonians 3 where it outlines how we shouldn’t take advantage of the kindness of others.

The issue seems to be, as The Feminine Fancy puts it, women are tired of feeling like men don’t put any effort into pursuing them early on. Whereas men are tired of pursuing women only to discover those women weren’t really interested in them to begin with. Thus, we get ice cream date debacles where a seemingly fun date idea becomes grounds for being rejected.

Proverbs 19:2 says, “[d]esire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” It’s wise to consider compatibility before going on a date. Being upfront about your expectations as a Christian bro or lady is okay. It’s also cool to not waste anyone’s time if your long-term goals don’t align with theirs.

While Biblically there isn’t really a case for or against ice cream dates, one could certainly say as Christians we should strive to treat one another kindly, lovingly, and with a servant’s heart whether we are interested in them romantically, or not.