Like 8 years late but whatever. All opinions are my own and they’re trash opinions. Usually I rate female characters but given the lack of them in this book, why bother.

Also, I regret reading A Little Life. Not for moral reasons, but because this book sucked.

*Major Spoilers Ahoy!*

Harold Stein

• in a happy relationship with Julia (!)
• Law
• rich (like everyone else in this book???)
• adopts Jude @ 30 despite knowing nothing about him
  • tried to learn but JB told him to STFlipUp
• previously married to Liesl and had a son named Jacob (RIP)
• somehow a pov character
• patron Saint of Patience
• cries a lot
• all that is wholesome in this book is in Harold
  • loves Jude unconditionally
  • never left Jude like ever (except when Jude told him to)
• very old but somehow out lives almost everyone else

Harold being like 70 and fully ready to give Caleb the beatdown of his life is iconic.

Harold’s Rating: 8/10

Richard

• sculptor melting chocolate & butter
• one of the bros but not really
• owns a building in NYC (so rich)
  • Jude buys an apartment from him
• reason Jude is alive until the end of the book
• dies of brain cancer
• handy

Richard is a good friend, because I wouldn’t have let Jude (or anyone) live in a building I owned.

Richard Rating: 4.5/10

Asian Henry Young

• why is he in this book?
• not black (and therefore not Black Henry Young)
• (i think) helps Willem and Jude move into their garbage apartment on Lispenard Street
• exists to affirm how amazing the main characters are

AHY Rating: -1/10

Black Henry Young

• see above
• not Asian (and therefore not Asian Henry Young)
• (i think) he sometimes hangs out with Jude but that could’ve been AYH
• exists to affirm how amazing the main characters are

BHY Rating: -0.5/10

Ezra

• rich
• an artist
• JB’s pal

Ezra Rating: 0.5/10

Felix

• has no friends
• child Jude tutors
• generally a loser

Felix Rating: Jude Playing The Piano/10

Caleb Porter

• toxic situationship with Jude in which he almost kills him
• dies the death he deserved (cancer)
• works in fashion
• actually, genuinely for real insane
• hawt and able-bodied

When Caleb appeared I tossed aside all delusions of even a bitter sweet ending, because it was clear Caleb existed to bring misery into Jude’s life (and by extension mine).

Caleb’s Rating: Jude’s Unsuccessful Attempt to Unalive Himself/10

Lucian Voigt

• Jude’s mentor and boss at Rosen Pritchard and Klein
• actually a good person despite his job
• LAW
• puts Jude to work, even when he’s knocking on death’s door
• lives until the end of the book but with a stroke and dementia
• sense of humour

Lucian is one of the few folks who know about Jude’s condition. He generally dgaflip about anything but work though, which makes him the goat.

Lucien Rating: 6.6/10

Malcolm Irvine

• architect
• BLACK but not really black because he’s rich and mixed
• irrelevant
  • Malcolm’s dialogue/roles could’ve been given to Asian Henry Young and it wouldn’t have changed anything about this story
• humble silver spoon king; his family is quite well-off but he doesn’t flaunt his wealth much
• realized Jude was gonna be in a wheelchair when he got old and made his home(s) accessible
• somewhat happily married to Sophie
• background character 200 pages in
• JB’s yes man

Of the 4 bros, Malcolm seemed to be the least important to the author and thus not worthy of any attention after he renovated Jude’s apartment, which made his death surprising.

That said, he showed a fair amount of growth. Initially, he’s conflicted about his job, sexuality, etc. But he’s come into his own towards the book’s end, marrying Sophie and having a successful, stable career.

Alas it was on brand to leave Jude alive with the bro he disliked the most instead of King Malcolm, who gifted people little houses and was generally a nice, non-dramatic dude.

Malcolm’s Rating: 8/10

JB

• artist
• HBIC
• Jean Baptiste Marion
• BLACK and the author wants us to know that
• wants a nice white boy
• Fat (and the author wants us to know that)
• father died but he had a normal childhood otherwise, which makes him sad
• 90% of the drama within the friend group
• at the book’s start he is a narcissist and at the book’s end he is a creepy narcissist in his 60s
• out lives all the other mcs
• befriends a rich sculptor who looks like a ghost and mocks his bffls
• druggie
• obviously tsundere for Jude
  • who paints that many pictures of someone
  • Jude w cigarette

I related to JB’s angst about feeling like he’s very boring and that everyone else had left him behind.

Like Jude, I was bitter he lived and not Malcolm. However, unlike Jude, I did not find it believable pictures of his friends would make him a famous artist in New York.

JB Rating: 8.5/10

Sanjay

• who? works with Jude at the law firm

Sanjay Rating: 00000.00/10

Andy Contractor

• orthopedic surgeon
• true amigo and Jude’s doctor for years (until he abandoned him retired)
• what in the patient-doctor confidentiality
• what in the should’ve committed him years ago
• in a happy relationship
• always kept it real with Jude about his physical abilities/health
• dies at the end of this book
• *inserts various cuss wordsx33*

Andy believed Jude would change, which was admirable. Sadly, Andy didn’t realize Because Plot meant Jude would never change.

That said, Andy should’ve committed this dude the first time he self-harmed and forced him into therapy. The fact he didn’t made this story and thus Andy’s character as a whole fairly unbelievable to me.

Andy Rating: 5/10

Brother Luke

• Edgar Wilmot
• pedo monk in a monastery full of other equally trash monks
• unalives himself

This entire story wouldn’t exist without Brother Puke.

Brother Luke’s rating: 5.5/10

Various (Pedo) Monks & Counselors

• Brother Pavel (of all people)
• Father Gabriel (actually insane bc wtf)
• Brother Matthew
• Br0ther David
• Brother Peter (gives Jude books)
• Roger
• Colin

VPMAOC Rating: JB High With Jackson/10

Dr. Traylor

His introduction marked the point where I really started questioning my sanity.

Why was I still reading this book? Every page made me more and more miserable and angry, so much so that I found myself relating to Jude’s endless self-loathing, which was maybe the author’s intention all along?

Anyway, Traylor is the reason Jude loses his legs at the end of the book, because after kidnapping Jude and abusing/holding him hostage for several weeks, Traylor runs him over with a truck in the middle of an empty field.

Dr. Traylor Rating: Willem _{(and Malcolm)} Getting Hit By A Truck/10

Dr. Kashen

• axiom of quality
• math
• dies

Dr. Kashen Rating: 10/10

Willem Ragnarsson

• HOT but is the only one who doesn’t realize it
• becomes an incredibly famous actor without really trying
• fudgeboi vibes
• cared deeply for his disabled older brother Hemming, whom his own parents dgaflip about
  • he had two other siblings who died
• an orphan
  • his parents die physically but they were never present in his life
• the closest to Jude
• from Wyoming
• ranch life
• hoe life
• not William
• dies in a car crash along with Malcolm (and sophie)

I actually liked that Willem regularly cheated and slept around because otherwise he would’ve been too good. However, I hated when he and Jude got in a relationship because of course men cannot be intimate without it being romantic.

Also, Willem was trash in knowing he was causing Jude to cut himself but pretending all was well. Like how are you his best friend? Their entire relationship gave 2000 Wattpad Fanfiction energy.

Nevertheless, Willem stuck by Jude even when he realized Jude would never ever in his entire life get better. His death was quite tragic, but I did love the sequence of him running to his brother, Hemming after dying.

Willem Rating: 5.5/10

Jude St. Francis

• Judy
• an orphan
• good cook, baker, and pianist
• HOT and in denial about it
• HBIC lawyer
• ethnically ambiguous
  • something about jade eyes
• extremely dark and troubled past bordering unrealistic
  • no parents and 0 guesses as to who they could be
  • grows up in a pedophilic monastery, kidnapped by one of the pedo monks, and then pimped out for several years
  • taken to a boys home where he is beat by (again) pedo counselors
  • escapes and hitchhikes to Montana and every single trucker that picks him up is a rapist pedo
  • kidnapped by a crazy rapist pedo doctor who imprisons him in a basement dungeon and then runs him over with a car, leaving him with spinal injuries that culminate in him losing his legs
  • the one person Jude randomly dates is not the cute gal who expresses clear interest in him, but the craziest mf in all of NY who calls him deformed on day 1
• somehow surrounded by people who adore him
• “I’m so sorry *insert character’s name*”
• dies

Of the 4 bromigos, ironically Jude changed the most despite having the most barriers to any sort of development (the author). He eventually opens up to Willem and post-death Harold about his past, starts cutting less, and even tries to stop. At one point, he lets Harold hug him and learns to accepts help. Even after the loss of his legs and Willem’s death, he keeps living.

It’s fitting Saint Jude is the patron saint for the despairing and hopeless, and Saint Francis made a poverty vow or whatever. At every opportunity, the author ripped what little happiness Jude had away from him, spiraling him into emotional poverty.

Jude’s Rating: 8.4/10

A Little Life aptly sets the tone for the book early on when the four musketeers continue going to a restaurant with soapy food that gives them food poisoning, because who does that?

Nobody. Nobody does that.

The book has some merit. It’s easy to read when not overloaded with adverbs, the food descriptions are on point, and the first three-hundred pages are a neat display of male friendship that left me interested in seeing how they came to be true amigos in the first place (spoiler: never happens. Had I known the nature of this book, I never would’ve picked it up).

However, the author clearly hated all of these characters, especially Jude. Furthermore, the staple of good story is one where, for better or worse, the characters are transformed.

This is my issue – not that Hanya wrote a book where a character never heals, but that she wrote a book where character development doesn’t exist. Each character remains frozen in time as decades pass by. JB is a selfish jerk. Willem has impostor syndrome and can’t keep it in his pants. Malcolm = irrelevant. Jude detests himself and trusts no one. And while he at least makes some effort, the plot had already deemed any effort he puts in towards self-improvement as pointless.

The plot also required too much suspension of disbelief like how did Jude go unchecked in a monastery all those years? How did no one adopt a cute infant in the USA? Jude himself was only passive when the plot required it (such as not buying a flippin’ bus ticket, or dumping Caleb’s dusty behind), but aggressive in his career?

The book’s main themes are despair, hopelessness, and sorrow, and is supposedly how wounds can never be healed. But it seems to be about how much an author can torture a character before they call it quits.

All these characters needed Jesus, but Jude especially required some sort of supernatural healing, medication, therapy, and intervention.

Because even the unconditional love of his friends couldn’t save him from himself and that is indeed a very sad message to put out.

A Little Life Rating: 4.5/10